Posted: ? 12/18/2012 10:14:14 PM PST
Updated: ? 12/18/2012 11:58:49 PM PST
Yes, Virginia, these items actually exist for the L.A. fans who are in need of an exquisite, team-specific holiday gift, bound to bring minutes of pleasure - and still available with a rush order:
For the Dodgers fan
Item: A sculpted and enameled pewter money clip.
Where: Amazon.com
Price: $21.97
The pitch: Sure, you can find one of these things much less expensive - there's a stainless steel model with the "L.A." logo for just $7.75 - but now's not the time to be cheap. The way things have been going at the Ravine, enjoy the windfall of cash that new ownership brings. This one is 4 ounces of a status symbol that shows you're not only willing to flash some large currency at the concession stand, but you insist on overpaying for everyone.
For the Lakers fan
Item: A purple-and-gold rhinestone pacifier.
Where: Etsy.com
Price: $13.75
The pitch: The wait is almost over for Nash, Howard, Gasol, Kobe and Metta to step on the court together and make a serious run at that eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. Until then, pacify your thoughts with this high-end, handmade binky, which comes with a sateen ribbon. They recommend you hand wash and hang dry, if that's possible through all your hand wringing.
For the Kings fan
Item: A collectible team bank.
Where:
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Price: $49.99
The pitch: The actual listing says: "Save up your pennies for the next game with this Caseworks NHL collectible bank." Not even the "durable acrylic construction" can handle the irony that fills this thing up as you help generate more off-ice revenue for the league's players and owners to haggle over. Fill this up, and you still won't have enough to buy the cheapest seat in Staples Center once they decide to resume the Stanley Cup tour.
For the UCLA basketball fan
Item: A six-foot "True Blue" pet leash
Where: Fanatics.com
Price: $19.95
The pitch: "Keep your spirited pup under control on your daily walks ... the perfect accessory for a Bruins fan and his furry best friend." More functionally, these can be endorsed by coach Ben Howland as a most effective way to keep players from leaving the roster just before the start of the Pacific-12 Conference schedule.
Imagine how Josh Smith could have benefitted with a choke chain, and one of these keeping him away from the extra Milk Bones.
For the USC football fan
Item: A unique T-shirt gift package
Price: $34.
Where: USCbookstore.com, SunBowl.com
The pitch: Hustle first to the USC bookstore and nab one of the "Unfinished Business" T-shirts that originally sold for $20 but can now be had for just $10. Next, the Sun Bowl official site has snazzy USC-certified T-shirts ($24) that'll identify you as one sharp SoCal dude when you head to El Paso, Texas, for the New Year's Eve bowl game that everyone's talking about. Meanwhile, sniff around the UCLA campus and you may land a silk-screened gem that's been in circulation: "I Don't Give A Rat's Ass about USC," a quote from Bruins coach Jim Mora.
For the Angels fan
Item: A Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim North Pole Sign
Where: FoxSportsShop.com
Price: $24.95
The pitch: Forever Collectables ends the confusion about where the Angels are actually located year-round. At least, in relation to Los Angeles, the North Pole and the pot of gold they seem to have found to acquire Josh Hamilton. "Makes a great holiday decoration," says the website blurb, but only the small print points you to where this was actually made: In China.
For the Galaxy fan
Item: Beckham by Beckham 2.5 ounce Eau de Toilette
Where. Target.com
Price: $17.39
The pitch: David Beckham may be gone, but his odor lingers on. The worldly "woodsy" scent contains "notes of sandalwood, cardamom, amber, grapefruit, nutmeg, bergamot, violet, patchouli and star anise. (Check the Galaxy roster again; we recall Cardamom, Bergamot and Patchouli as three of the team's top defenders). It says the stuff is only for "casual use," which may best depict how the local kickball team used Becks for some six years before releasing him to the rest of the world, triumphantly with an MLS Cup wedged under each armpit.
thomas.hoffarth@dailynews.com twitter.com/tomhoffarth
Source: http://www.sgvtribune.com/lakers/ci_22220862/tom-hoffarth-last-minute-gifts-l-sports-fans?source=rss
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